At this current moment in my life, my grandmother (my favorite person on the planet) is dying of cancer (she was diagnosed, finally, in January and it has been a long, painful goodbye since then). She is nearing the end this week just in time for Easter (which is sort of ironic, but incredibly sad at the same time). Easter is such a time for renewal and rebirth, and my grandmother is reaching the end of her life here on Earth. However, I try to find comfort in the fact that her soul will have a new life in Heaven with my grandfather, her brothers who have long since passed and her father who passed away when she was in her teens. (All of this is my Catholicism coming out in me. It brings me comfort in this otherwise incredibly shitty time in my life.)
I don't know how to prepare this for. I don't think you really can. Earlier tonight, I put together something together that I want to say at her funeral that is being planned tomorrow even though she hasn't died because it is that immeninent according to everyone who knows anything about medicine, etc. I guess realisticly I know this too, but it's so hard to imagine my grandmother, my sweet Shirley, not being in my life anymore.
I used to call her almost everyday on my way to work to check in with her. I am truly her granddaughter. She has no patience (hello me), she is an AVID Saints fan, she is very critical and worries about everyone (I don't have that too much yet, however, it's coming more and more as I get older).
Saying goodbye is never easy, but I feel like I am having an especially hard time with this situation. Again don't mean to go back to my Debbie Downer-ness, but I just wish I someone's chest to cry on. I feel like I can lean on my friends, somewhat, but I also feel ridiculous but they all have their "someone" that they turn to in times like these, so I can't really get in the way of that/don't want to. Hello awkward. I'm hoping the combo of my grandma and grandfather, up in heaven, looking over me will help bring some success in the man department. (I realize that I haven't posted about my breakup which happened since the last post - that will be for another day).
Anyway, I just wanted to say, once again (I've said it a lot to my friends), that the long goodbye absolutely SUCKS. There's no other way to describe it. The only things that seem to help are trying to be a good daughter (my poor mom has been playing nurse to my grandmother this entire time - she deserves a medal or ridiculously fabulous vacation or all of the above), my friends that keep me laughing and pinto grigio....
Below are some pictures of me and my Shirley over the past couple of years. Our relationship has definitely grown during my 4 years of living in Nola.
I used to call her almost everyday on my way to work to check in with her. I am truly her granddaughter. She has no patience (hello me), she is an AVID Saints fan, she is very critical and worries about everyone (I don't have that too much yet, however, it's coming more and more as I get older).
Saying goodbye is never easy, but I feel like I am having an especially hard time with this situation. Again don't mean to go back to my Debbie Downer-ness, but I just wish I someone's chest to cry on. I feel like I can lean on my friends, somewhat, but I also feel ridiculous but they all have their "someone" that they turn to in times like these, so I can't really get in the way of that/don't want to. Hello awkward. I'm hoping the combo of my grandma and grandfather, up in heaven, looking over me will help bring some success in the man department. (I realize that I haven't posted about my breakup which happened since the last post - that will be for another day).
Anyway, I just wanted to say, once again (I've said it a lot to my friends), that the long goodbye absolutely SUCKS. There's no other way to describe it. The only things that seem to help are trying to be a good daughter (my poor mom has been playing nurse to my grandmother this entire time - she deserves a medal or ridiculously fabulous vacation or all of the above), my friends that keep me laughing and pinto grigio....
Below are some pictures of me and my Shirley over the past couple of years. Our relationship has definitely grown during my 4 years of living in Nola.
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| My 26th bday dinner at Bayona last year. Last bday Shirley will be here to celebrate :( |
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| I was her plus one to a wedding in Nola a few years ago. We had a great time. She was a great date :)
Ultimate moral of this post - cherish your grandparents and spend as much time as you can with them. They will never be around as long as you want them to be.
I will forever love and miss Shirley!!
Cheers!
Christine
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